Always a relief.

Before I had accepted Christ into my life, my past was something I was constantly running from. It brought me such perpetual fear and insecurity that you would not believe. God knows all. The heart, thoughts, our mind. I know that. Yet even with Him, I struggle to bring up a lot of things. When something makes me uncomfortable, I will clam up and not talk about it and that's that. Today, I was minding my own business and I saw something that triggered a memory I guess, and this unbelievable sadness overcame me. It was a sudden thing and I dropped what I was doing and just sat and kept to myself. Moments like these make me feel heavy and burdened. There is a relief that overwhelms you once you receive Christ. He gets rid of all the ache and doubt and Its just you and Him. He wipes the slate clean and calls truce with you. This is why I was stunned at what I felt at that moment. I thought I had gotten over that. I thought God promised that once we came to Him, He threw our bad pasts into the depths of the ocean. The Lord is so good, He keeps his promises. What I felt was not from Him yet He felt my heartache. At that very moment although I struggled, I opened my heart and mouth and called to him. I spoke and I know for a fact that He listened. I just unloaded and gave him my shame and my burden. My past is my past.  My past cannot keep me insecure. It cannot call me a hypocrite because I've changed. My future is with Christ. He abounds in love and mercy.