Coping with this empty feeling caused by being away from my family.
Somdays I feel fine. The homesickness gradually disappears and I begin to feel confident but then I just get so down. I miss them so much it hurts. WHY CANT I DEAL?! LKJHFDKVJHDFKVNJLIAUHDKJF.
I GET SO PISSED AT MYSELF SOMETIMES. EVERYONE SAYS IM SO COURAGEOUS FOR BEING IN THE MILITARY BUT ITS NOT TRUE IM A WIMP. I CAN BARELY STAND BEING AWAY FROM HOME. WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I GET DEPLOYED. I CANT EVEN SWALLOW A PILL. THATS RANDOM BUT ITS TRUE. I FEEL LIKE IM A PUSHOVER. LIKE I CANT STAND UP FOR MYSELF. I FEEL LIKE IM OUT HERE ON A LIMB JUST FISHING FOR THE BEST OUTCOME. IM FRUSTRATED. I THOUGHT THE HARD PART WAS OVER. IM JUST UNABLE TO DEAL. IF IM AT HOME, IM COMPLAINING ABOUT THE CRAP THAT GOES ON THERE BUT NOW THAT IM FAR FROM HOME, ID GIVE ANYTHING TO GO BACK. DO YOU SEE HOW MY INDECISIVENESS PISSES ME OFF.
sometimes i cant stand myself.
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